Perfection: The Story of Aubrey Posen
by achang
Summary: We all know Aubrey Posen: the high-strung senior who rules the Bellas with an iron fist. But how well do we really know her story? This piece explores the mystery that is Aubrey Posen; her dark and twisted backstory, her journey as a student at Barden, the complicated relationship she develops with Chloe Beale, and her unending struggle to attain perfection. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

A young girl, no more than five or six, swayed back and forth on the swing, blonde ringlets flying in the wind.

"Higher, Mom, higher!" she squealed, shrieking in a mixture of terror and delight as the woman behind her gave her push, sending her towards the sky.

"Elizabeth." A man stepped out onto the back porch of the modest bungalow, the hard lines of his face a reminder of the things he'd seen, the pain and the death and the hurt. He was wearing a grey suit. Grey was Richard Posen's favourite colour; it was bold and disciplined, void of emotion, a solemn colour, steely and cruel. Richard struggled to remember a time when life was about love and happiness rather than rigidity and strength. Had his years of service in the military changed him, or had he always been this way? He wasn't sure.

"Elizabeth." He repeated her name, sharply, the way one addresses a wild animal. The woman put her hands out to slow the swinging girl in front of her and leaned down.

"You keep swinging by yourself, okay Bree?" she whispered.

"Where are you going?" The girl turned in her seat, blue-green eyes large and pleading, _oh please don't go._

"Your father wants to see me. Stay here."

And Aubrey Posen stayed. She was a good girl.


	2. Chapter 2

Chloe sat at the desk in their shared room, staring at the paper in front of her. Damned Algebra. Numbers and letters should never be mixed. She tapped her pencil against the wooden surface and tried to ignore the blonde pacing anxiously behind her, but her patience was running thin.

"Aubrey, could you like… Not pace?" Aubrey froze and crossed her arms.

"Chloe, I'm all for school and studying and getting good grades and stuff, but how can you do Algebra at a time like this? We're doomed. _Doomed!_ The auditions today were awful. _Awful._ Hardly any of them have the potential to be Bellas. What are we going to do? We're going to be the worst acapella group in all of history and we'll embarrass ourselves in front of the entire Barden community and I'll never get a chance to redeem myself for blowing finals last year and-" Aubrey's breath hitched in her throat, and Chloe rushed from her seat to put an arm on her friend.

"Shh, breathe, Bree, breathe." The last thing she needed right now was Aubrey heaving her dinner all over the floor. Aubrey closed her eyes and inhaled, allowing her muscles to relax a bit. Chloe wrapped her arms around the blonde's waist and pulled her into a hug.

"It's going to be fine, okay? We're going to have a great year, and the Barden Bellas are going to soar straight to Nationals, okay?"

"I really hope you're right," Aubrey murmured into Chloe's hair. She straightened suddenly, regaining her composure and smoothing her hair. "Like my Dad always used to say, ' _You've got to crawl through the mud on your belly if you want to make it out alive.'_ "

Chloe wrinkled her nose. "Um, translation?"

"No pain, no gain Chlo." Chloe resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Aubrey. They'd grown much closer over the past few years, despite being arguably the most unlikely of friends. While Aubrey was stern and high-strung and disciplined, Chloe was ditzy and laid back and fun. But they'd grown to love each other, with Aubrey taming Chloe's wild side and Chloe toning down Aubrey's stress levels whenever the blonde freaked out (Chloe had even managed to deal with Aubrey during finals week, a feat which had proved to be incredibly difficult, but that had been accomplished nonetheless).

"Now, let's think about this," Chloe said. "There were definitely some girls at auditions who'd make great Bellas. Cynthia Rose? She was amazing. And the brunette… Stacie? She was good."

"Mmhm," Aubrey nodded absentmindedly.

"Oh, and what did you think of Beca? Wasn't she great?" Chloe tried not to sound too enthusiastic, but she was beyond happy that the freshman had decided to show up to the auditions. The redhead had been worried that their shower moment had scared the poor girl off (Chloe was still confused by the fact that her openness tended to send girls running in the other direction… I mean, she was just trying to be friendly), but Beca Mitchell had arrived just in time to perform – not the required song, mind you, but some neat little thing with a cup. Chloe knew she'd be a great addition to the Bellas. Aubrey, however, was not convinced.

"I don't know Chloe… I mean, sure she's got a great voice and all, but I don't know if she really fits the Bella image, you know? The Barden Bellas are a group of women – classy, elegant, independent women. We need to uphold the image our ancestors worked so hard to construct. And Beca? Well, she's like this alternative punk rocker who wears too much black and has weird spikes in her ears." Chloe didn't stop herself from rolling her eyes this time round.

"Aubrey, you're so… _Old fashioned._ Maybe it's time we try something new as the Bellas, eh? Shake things up a bit? Trade in our scarves for something… Edgier?" _Uh oh. Too far._

"Chloe, what the hell is the matter with you? The only way we're going to succeed with the Bellas is if we keep the things the way they've always been. I can't believe you're questioning my judgment on these things!" Aubrey snapped, eyebrows drawn together in a scowl.

"Sorry, sorry! Never mind, forget I said anything, okay? We'll keep things the way they are. Just… Give Beca a chance, okay? Or consider it at least?" Aubrey's tension eased, and she sighed.

"Alright, alright fine. I'll think about it, okay?" Chloe nodded. "I'm going to bed now. Don't stay up too late. We've got a _long_ season ahead of us." Chloe couldn't help but chuckle at this. Living with Aubrey was like having a second mother sometimes. Chloe switched on her desk light as Aubrey flicked off the main switch, the small lamp basking the room in a soft glow. The redhead regarded her friend with a small smile; Bree looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. The lines of worry faded from her face and her body became soft and relaxed. Chloe sometimes wondered how Aubrey had become the girl she was; so buttoned up, so paranoid and stressed all the time. Aubrey had never really opened up to anyone – or at least not to Chloe – about her personal life. She knew that Aubrey's dad – Sergeant Posen – was a military officer with a heart of steel, and that while Aubrey looked up to him and admired him greatly, she was also terrified of him. More specifically, terrified of failing him. Chloe sometimes worried for her friend; she was a time bomb, a bubbling grenade of angst and stress, and it was always just a matter of time before she blew up. Last year's final performance at the Lincoln Center had been the result of Aubrey packing in her stress to the point where her body couldn't take it anymore. And it was bound to happen again soon enough.

Chloe sighed, shoving aside her Algebra homework. She was too tired to do math. She shut off the light at her table and crawled into bed. She just wanted Bree to be happy. Didn't everyone deserve to be happy?


	3. Chapter 3

Aubrey was nine years old and had never been more excited in her life. Her school was performing _Annie_ and she'd snagged the lead role. Clad in a thick, slightly grimy dress, she fidgeted anxiously in the wings, heart pounding with nervous anticipation.

The musical commenced, and Aubrey sang and danced with a brilliant white smile plastered on her face. The stage lights above beamed down, illuminating her every move. Yes, young Aubrey Posen was carefree and content, unaware of the evils of the world.

As the performance drew to a close, Aubrey sprinted down the stairs behind the stage and weaved through the mass of people preparing to leave. She caught sight of her mother and father, seated near the back of the auditorium, and ran towards them.

"Dad! Dad!" Sergeant Posen raised an eyebrow. "I mean, Sir," Aubrey quickly corrected herself. Her father was very strict about properness and respect, demanding that he always be addressed as _Sir._ "What did you think? Did I do well?"

"Bree, sweetheart, you were brilliant," her mother cooed, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm very proud of you." Aubrey turned to her father, eyes large and expectant. All she wanted was to please him; to make him proud, to make him love her. With her father, it often seemed that love had to be earned; that you had to prove yourself worthy of it before it could be received.

Sergeant Posen gave a small smile. He'd been off duty for several months now, and he'd relaxed a bit, grown to be a bit more lighthearted. Pieces of the man he'd used to be – a gentler, more loving man – were beginning to shine through his tough exterior. He looked his daughter straight in the eye. "Aubrey Posen, you were incredible. I have never been a more proud father."

Aubrey thought she might melt right there on the spot. The harsh words of the past, every bitter and cruel thing her father had ever said to her, faded from her mind. She knew right then and there that her father loved her; and she would stop at nothing to make sure that he _always_ loved her. She would make him proud.


	4. Chapter 4

"Beca, you missed your entrance!" Beca Mitchell cringed at the shrill voice that rang through the air. The Bellas stopped singing, many of them groaning and crossing their arms over their chests. They'd been in rehearsal for the past hour and a half now, and they'd all heard enough _Ace of Bass_ to last them a lifetime.

"I'm pretty sure I came in with everyone else," Beca said slowly, scowling at Aubrey.

"No, you were definitely a beat behind. Chloe heard it. Didn't you hear it, Chloe?" Chloe fidgeted nervously.

"Well… It sounded to me like everyone came in together?" Aubrey glared at her.

"Never mind. Let's take it from the top, shall we?" she said pointedly.

"Can't we have a break, Aubrey?" It was Fat Amy that spoke this time. She'd moved away from the group and was sprawled out across several folding chairs, hand placed dramatically over her forehead. "I'm _starving._ Did anyone bring food?"

"Amy, we're not taking a break," Aubrey hissed. "Get back up."

"Aubrey, maybe it is a good idea to take a break," Chloe said. "I think everyone's tired and a bit strung out." She folded her hands together.

"Chloe, we can't take a break! Regionals is right around the corner, and we have no idea what we're doing! Beca can't get the timing, Amy can't get the choreography, and Ashley keeps forgetting the words. Champions don't take breaks!" Aubrey's face had turned a slight shade of red.

Chloe made a time-out sign with her hand. "We'll take a short minute break, okay everyone? Meet back here in ten." She shrugged apologetically as Aubrey stared at her and then watched as her co-captain stormed out of the room.

"Man, is she always this uptight?" Cynthia Rose asked. "Girl needs to calm down a bit."

"She didn't used to be this bad," Chloe said softly. "She's… She's had it rough, okay? She's overcompensating."

"She's being a bitch is what she's being," Beca muttered.

"Hey, she's not that bad," Chloe interjected. "You've just got to get used to her." The redhead watched as some of the girls filed out of the room. She knew that Aubrey was a pain in the ass, but she also knew that her friend acted the way she did because she was terrified of failure. Ever since last year's disaster at finals, Aubrey had been out of control. Chloe had never seen her so tense before; her goal was perfection, and she was unable to accept anything short of that without losing it. Chloe had to stand up for Aubrey though; after all, Aubrey had been there for her when she needed it. It was up to her to do the same.


	5. Chapter 5

"Bree you can't seriously still be working on that?" Aubrey was sprawled out on her bed, half a dozen textbooks encircling her. It was the end of her sophomore year, and she was determined to finish at the top of all her classes. She scribbled furiously into her notebook, barely glancing up at the pouting redhead in front of her.

"I've got to get this done by Tuesday, Chloe. Slackers don't get into law school."

"Can't you take a break?" Chloe whined. She reached for the textbook Aubrey was currently looking through and snapped it shut.

"Hey! Chloe."

"Pleeeease? There's a party happening at Mark's place," Chloe persisted. "You can't do homework forever." Aubrey sighed and rolled over onto her back. Chloe was staring at her – and how on Earth could you even resist those big puppy-dog eyes? She'd only just met Chloe this year, but her roommate could be seriously adorable.

"Alright, fine. Although I know I'm going to regret it tomorrow." Chloe squealed with delight and pulled Aubrey up to her feet.

"I knew you'd come around!" Aubrey rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smiling. Yes, sophomore-Aubrey was far less intense than senior-Aubrey.

Chloe drove to Mark's place in her beat-up Cadillac; Mark Thompson was a senior and lived in a rental just outside of the campus. Chloe, being the upbeat socialite she was, was greeted warmly at the door. Aubrey tried to smile, but she felt horribly awkward as she followed Chloe into the house. It was packed with people, most of them more than a little drunk. She was already regretting her decision to come; the music was too loud, there were too many people, and she hadn't spotted anyone she knew yet other than Chloe.

"Come on, silly," Chloe called, dragging her by the wrist. Her friend had already managed to find a red cup containing some sketchy alcoholic beverage. Chloe snagged another cup and offered it to Aubrey.

"Want some?"

"Uh… What is it?" Aubrey had to shout to be heard over the loud drum of the bass.

"Jiggle-juice, Bree," Chloe said, waggling her eyebrows and laughing. She'd already downed her whole glass. She rolled her eyes as Aubrey crinkled her nose. "I don't know, but it's good! Here." She shoved the cup into Aubrey's hands and danced away, leaving the blonde to her own defences.

The night went on for far too long. Aubrey attempted to make conversation with a couple of guys; most of them went to Barden, but other than that, she had little in common with any of them. She considered having a couple drinks, but then decided against it; she didn't trust anyone in this place, and so the more sober she was, the better. Plus, someone had to drive them home at the end of the night – and from the looks of it, it was definitely not going to be Chloe. The redhead had disappeared a little while ago after packing in a couple more drinks, and Aubrey hadn't seen her since. She tried not to be irritated at Chloe for ditching her, but more than anything, Aubrey really just wanted to go back to their dorm.

At around midnight, after sitting alone on the couch for a little while, Aubrey decided to go look for Chloe. The downstairs area was still packed, and Chloe was nowhere to be seen. The bathroom was on the upper level of the house, and so Aubrey squeezed through the throng of people and began to make her way up the stairs.

There was a bedroom at the end of the hall, the door open just a crack. Aubrey could make out the faint sound of Chloe's voice, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She walked to the bedroom and peered through the crack. Chloe was on the bed, squirming, her arms pinned above her by a guy with a mop of brown hair – _Mark Thompson_.

"Stop, please, stop," she kept on saying as she tried to remove herself from underneath him.

"Shh, baby, I know you want some. Stop fighting it, okay? Yeah, that's it." Chloe let out a sob as he nuzzled her neck.

"What the hell are you doing?" Aubrey swung open the door and Mark scrambled to get off of Chloe. Anger burned deep within Aubrey's veins, tinting her cheeks a fiery red. Before she could stop herself, her fist was flying towards Mark's face. She felt a sharp pain surge through her hand as it made contact with Mark's nose, and then she was pulling Chloe off of the bed.

"Ow," Mark hissed, holding his nose with one hand. He glared at Aubrey. "Why you little bi-"

"Don't you ever come near her again, do you hear?" Aubrey interrupted. She took Chloe's hand and dragged her out of the bedroom. They pushed through the crowd and were out the door in a matter of seconds.

"Come on, Chlo, let's get you out of here," Aubrey murmured, unlocking Chloe's car and hopping into the driver's seat. She sped all the way home, her hand on Chloe's the whole way, and then pulled the trembling redhead inside their dorm.

"Chloe, oh Chloe, are you okay? Did he hurt you?" Chloe pressed her lips together and shook her head. Her eyes met Aubrey's and she began to sob.

"Oh, sweetheart." Aubrey pulled her into a hug, her heart breaking as Chloe's body shook, the sobs threatening to overwhelm her. "It's okay, now, it's okay. I've got you. You're safe now." She stroked Chloe's tangle of red waves with one hand, using the other to rub small circles on her friend's back. Aubrey could smell the vanilla from her shampoo, the sweet scent contrasting the sour smell of beer.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Aubrey asked carefully.

"I was going… And h-he… And then he… But I c-c-couldn't be-because," she sobbed into Aubrey's shoulder, her breaths short and labored. Aubrey squeezed her tighter.

"Sh, it's okay, we don't have to talk about it. Just breathe, okay? Breathe." Chloe hiccupped, but eventually managed to get her breathing to slow. Aubrey let her go and she whimpered slightly.

"I'm just going to get your pajamas, okay? Stay here." Aubrey managed to find her a fresh pair of pajamas, and Chloe went into the bathroom to change. Aubrey got dressed, wiping the sleep from her eyes with the back of her hand. She hadn't realized how exhausted she was; glancing at the clock on her bedside table, she saw that it was almost one in the morning.

Chloe came out of the bathroom, her eyes puffy and red. Aubrey patted the bed beside her. "Why don't you sleep with me tonight?" Chloe nodded, crawling in next to her friend. Aubrey turned and wrapped her arms around Chloe, soaking in the warmth that the redhead provided. And they stayed this way the whole night, a tangle of arms and legs, safe and content in each other's arms.


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay, so I was thinking that instead of throwing other songs in like we did at Regionals, we should just stick with what we know: we'll do _I Saw the Sign,_ and take out _Eternal Flame_ and _Turn the Beat Around_. How's that sound to you? Chloe?"

"Mmhm, yeah whatever."

"Chloe, are you even listening to me?" Aubrey spun around in her stool at the kitchen counter and glowered at Chloe, who was searching through her bag for her keys.

"Yeah, Bree, I heard you. And that's fine I guess." Chloe avoided making eye contact with Aubrey. "I'm going out."

"Going out? Chloe it's almost ten and we have Bella's rehearsal tomorrow."

"Yeah, well…" Chloe shifted and ran a hand through her hair. "I just need a break right now, okay? Maybe you should take one too, Bree, and stop focusing so much on the Bellas."

"What?" Aubrey seethed. "Chloe, I'm just trying to do what's best for our team as captain. It's time that you stepped up and took this more seriously. I mean, for serious Chlo, you act like you don't even care about this anymore."

"Aubrey, don't say that…"

"Who are you going out with anyway?" Chloe shifted nervously, and sighed as Aubrey raised her eyebrows at her.

"Just… Just Beca and some of the other-"

"I knew it! This is Beca's fault. She's a distraction to you, Chloe. She's the reason you've lost focus, the reason you can't get your priorities straight. I knew we should never have let-"

"Aubrey, stop it!" Chloe was shouting now, her calm demeanor evaporating. "Don't tell me what to do, okay? Don't tell me who I can and can't hang out with. Don't tell me that I need to shift my priorities, that I need to focus more. And _don't_ tell me that I don't care about the Bellas, because I do, okay? Now I'm going to go out, and I'm going to have a good time. Goodbye." She swung open the door and slammed it shut behind her. Aubrey stared at the door. She choked back the bile that was rising in her throat and swiped at the tears forming in her eyes. There it was – another person walking out on her, another person disgusted by her behaviour. What had she become? She was no captain. She was a failure.


	7. Chapter 7

Sixteen year old Aubrey lay in a bed, wrapped in a mountain of blankets. The sun was just beginning to rise in the sky, a sliver of light shining through her open window. She yawned sleepily, halfway between the present world and dreamland, and was about to go back to sleep when the door slammed open. She scrambled to sit up, her dazed confusion numbing her senses.

"How could you?" the man at the door growled. Sergeant Posen stumbled into the room, face darkened with rage.

"W-what? What's happening?" Aubrey cowered in her bed, clutching the blankets to her chest as though they might protect her from what was about to unfold.

"She's gone," he hissed, closing the distance between them with a few strides. He grabbed his daughter by the shoulders. Aubrey could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Who's gone?" she whispered, but she already knew the answer.

"You know who, you little bitch!" Sergeant Posen roared. "She left us, and it's your fault. If you hadn't caused so many problems, if _you_ hadn't burdened her with your insignificant little issues, if you-" He stopped when he realized that Aubrey had recoiled, knees drawn up to her chest. Her body shook with silent sobs. "Hey! You look at me when I'm speaking to you!" He brought his palm to her cheek and slapped her, hard. She whimpered and turned to face him, his image blurred by the tears that were streaming from her eyes.

"You're pathetic. You're worthless." His eyes were unfocused, his words slightly slurred. "You, Aubrey Posen, are a failure. And that's the reason your mother left us."

He turned and left the room without another word. Aubrey trembled, the sobs racking her body, leaving her gasping her air. She leaned over the side of her bed and heaved, but nothing came out. Her mother was gone… It wasn't really a surprise; she'd been distant the past couple of years, a shadow of her former self, a woman aching to get out of this hellhole of a house. And perhaps it truly was Aubrey's fault that she was gone… Her stress, her panic attacks… She'd put that on her mother, hadn't she? She'd tried to do everything right, but she'd failed so many times… Oh God, her father was right. Her mother was gone, and it was all her fault.


	8. Chapter 8

Chloe sat in the car, giggling as Beca recounted the story of their first encounter.

"I thought you were totally insane," the brunette laughed. "I just wanted you to get out of my shower."

"Well, aren't you glad you didn't send me away?" Chloe said with a small smile.

"Yeah, I suppose so. Although you guys need me more than I need you. I mean, come on… The Bellas would suck without me. I'm the force that binds you all together." Chloe rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we'd manage fine without you, pipsqueak." Beca laughed and turned to look out the window.

"Well, I guess it's pretty late. I should go."

"Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Early morning rehearsal tomorrow." Beca groaned and turned to open the door, but Chloe reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Beca?"

"Mmhm?"

"I'm really glad I got to know you this year." Beca smiled.

"Me too, Chlo. See you tomorrow."

Chloe watched Beca walk up the steps to her dorm before turning to drive herself home. She was very grateful to have Beca Mitchell in her life; the spunky little freshman was sassy and bold, and when they hung out together Chloe forgot about school and the Bellas and all the other things in her life that were causing her stress. There was no way she was going to let Aubrey keep her from being friends with Beca. She wasn't going to let the blonde micromanage her life anymore.

Chloe opened the door to their room, throwing her keys on the counter and making her way to the bedroom. She tried to be as quiet as possible; Aubrey would no doubt already be asleep. She sighed… She hadn't meant to lose her temper with Aubrey, although she couldn't help feeling that her friend deserved it. Honestly, she could be so aggravating sometimes.

Chloe was surprised to find Aubrey's bed empty, and her heart squeezed in fear as she caught sight of the blonde curled up into a ball on the bathroom floor.

"Aubrey?" she ran into the bathroom and dropped down onto her knees. "Bree, talk to me. What happened?"

"I c-can't d-d-do it anymore, C-Chloe," Aubrey sobbed from the floor. "I t-tried so hard, but I c-can't do it."

"Can't do what?" Chloe's voice was pleading, _oh just please be okay Bree._ Aubrey struggled to sit up. Her blonde waves were a tangled mess, her eyes puffy and bloodshot.

"I just wanted to get it right, you know? To prove myself. To prove that I could be deserving of someone's love."

"Bree, I don't understand," Chloe whispered. She reached out to put a hand on Aubrey's shoulder, but the blonde flinched and pulled away.

"My mom left us when I was sixteen. My dad blamed me for it, said that it was my fault she'd gone away… I just wanted someone to love me, Chlo. But to my dad I was a failure, a child undeserving of his love. And my mother… I thought she loved me. But she left me, she left me all alone, and it's not even her fault, it's _me,_ Chloe, it's my fault, b-because…" Aubrey had begun to sob again. "Because _I'm_ a screw-up, Chloe. I screwed up Nationals last year, and I'm screwing up everything with the Bellas this year, and now I've screwed up our relationship and when you walked out that door tonight I was terrified that I'd lost you, that you'd walked out and were never coming back, and it killed me – it _killed_ me – inside because I knew that once again it was my fault."

"Oh, Bree," Chloe whispered. She was at a loss for words. She moved to sit next to Aubrey, who had her face pressed into her knees, and wrapped her arms around her. The blonde turned her face into Chloe's shoulder and wept, her pain and her grief painstakingly evident. And Chloe just sat there and held her; the confident, independent Aubrey Posen a scared, vulnerable child in her arms. "Bree, you're not a failure, do you hear me? You're beautiful and you're strong and you're smart and you're not in the least bit a screw-up. Your mistakes don't define you, Bree. You don't need to always get everything right. You are Aubrey Posen, and you are an amazing person. And I will never, ever leave you." Aubrey sat up slowly and set her blue-green eyes on Chloe's face.

"Promise?" she whispered. Chloe nodded.

"I promise, Bree. I – I love you."

And it was in that moment that Aubrey Posen found the true meaning of love; an affection that cannot be bought or earned, but that develops when two people can be honest and vulnerable and look past each other's weaknesses to find the beauty of human nature. And Aubrey knew, in that moment, that she was loved.


End file.
